I've been emailing my new friend Lisa. She was telling me about this rude man she encountered in a store in the Caribbean. I think I ran into this man's family member at the San Francisco Airport. Lisa and I were emailing about how to address and teach men etiquette - elegance. She even named it manettiquette.
So, she got me thinking about how to blog so men would be interested. There have been elegant men throughout history - Cary Grant for example and there are men that strive to achieve a persona like Mr. Grant. So, here we go.
It is obvious that chivalry is still alive, but it is taking a beating daily. The men that wish to achieve better are trying and there are websites to help them. Currently, I will keep my attention to womens' elegance. But we do need to address men and who to deal with 'thuggy' men.
The thing that Lisa and I have in common with our run-in's is that we didn't take it. We weren't victims to a verbal attack or their bulling behavior.
If Lisa wants she can add to the post, I will use my experience as the bases for this post.
As women we have a lot of power that we never use. Most men do like to be helpful, to protect, and be noticed for their effort.
When a man holds the door, he is not trying to subjugate you, he is being nice. Thank him.
When a man behaves badly, call him out.
In my situation this guy came thru the first class line into the TSA screening area. I had two women in front of me that really had no idea how to move thru the line in a timely fashion. I was annoyed but there wasn't anything I could do. The dude behind me thought he was better, faster, smarter then us women. He took his bag and plastic bin and walked to the front of the line to the xray machine - only to realize that there was no room for his stuff. So, he started walking back the line looking for an open space to put his stuff so he could get thru the line quicker. Well, he found 2 inched between myself and the lady in front of me. He literally tried to push my stuff back.
Now, this is where the elegant women must take control. I was being mistreated and had to defend myself. How I defended myself is important. I looked at that creature and said "Is there a problem?" I didn't yell or even raise my voice. The dude didn't like my tone - oh well. He mouthed off to me. Don't remember totally his comment. But, again I was being verbally assaulted. Again, defending myself with out raising my voice I said "Why are mouthing off to me you cut the line." He continued to say he wasn't saying anything to me in a tone that I wasn't using, which wasn't true. I say he as a moron at this point, and probably a women hater. So I just said to him "just drop it, just drop it". He was in the wrong even though he'll never figure that out. But my reaction to him 1. brought attention to his behavior, which will not change his behavior 2. made me happy that I wasn't treated as a carpet.
Women have a lot of power to control. Jane Austin realized that in her books. If a man uses profanity around you, in your normal tone state "Please don't swear" he continue you walk away. That simple.
The men that want to treat women like property or disrespect them because they think women are second class citizens have a place in this world and I hope it is not within 10 feet of myself.